Type A with a side of B

I visited one of my local haunts yesterday.    It was locked up, but a friend was already inside.  He let us in and wandered around with us.  We talked about the past, the present and naturally, the future.  He expressed a genuine concern regarding my health and was quick to ask if I would be roaming around on a more regular basis.  Sadly, I shook my head and confided the purpose of stopping by.  I wanted to get my personal effects and bring it all home.

I could read his face.  He was disappointed.  He and I had been “regulars” there.  There was always something to do or organize.  This is where I profess my type A personality…  We got my room (406 to be specific) and the lump in my throat began to alert my tear ducts “It’s time.”  The custodians had packed up a lot of my things already; so at first glance it seemed bare.  It was obvious that I hadn’t been there in awhile.

I wouldn’t leave a room like that, ever.  There were empty food containers on desks, a forgotten denim jacket on the back of a chair and empty boxes strewn about.  I made my way to the front book shelves, picking up a box and some of the papers which were left on the floor and turned around.  My whole world, the one where I put in thousands of hours grading, cleaning or organizing was gone.  Poof!

My first instinct was to get started on cleaning up and putting things where they belonged (my judgement).  The Type A in me was making it’s way to the surface.  I can’t focus when the environment is not orderly.  My husband and friend stopped me and reminded me that I wasn’t supposed to be “doing” anything laborious-per my doctors.  I was just supposed to point to what was mine and they would pack it up, transport it to their vehicles and then get it home.  So I did.  They did.  We tried to keep the mood light.  They joked about my “Shakespeare Action Figure.”  I had another one for Poe.  According to the custodian, I have a lot of “dolls” and glitter and pink.

My room was once my place of respite.  The building belonged to me and Michael- if you follow the “possession is 9/10 of the law.”  for 14 years. 

Packing up 14 years of my life is not supposed to look like it did yesterday, it’s supposed to have a nice and clean entrance and exit.  

My trek yesterday was just so sad.  My heart was breaking.  I loved it all once.  The smells, sights, sounds, of the hallway were comforting.  There was nostalgia for each whimsical item in my classroom or at least a story.  I had two homes… one for 90% of my existence and the other home clean, organized and full of heirlooms, nostalgia/stories.  It’s the way I am. Period.

The doctors told me that stress is a huge factor and gets my Adrenal Fatigue all out of control.  They want me to learn how to genuinely relax and loosen up the reins on life.  Ha!

I’m supposed to drop the Type A gig and work on being a B.  Remaining Type A could & has proven to make for a very difficult existence… However,  is being Type B a liscense for being unkempt?  Do B’s care about providing a space for everyone to feel safe (especially in room 406)?  Do B’s notice the little things?  Do they react or just turn away when a rule is broken?  Are they hippies?

My garage now harbors my recently liberated personal effects from room 406.  My husband expects to have his garage back before the first snow of the season.  

I understand where he is coming from, he  doesn’t deserve to have to step over boxes and pick up things that have been strewn about.  Sound familiar?  

Right now I’m processing it all and deciding what should go where.  My Type A will get it all taken care of.  It is just me.  Period.


Two Big No’s

The Search:

Given my current situation, I decided to try to find a Physician who is informed, specialized in, and was challenge worthy of curing what ails me. I have been filling out forms galore! I went through one entire Health Park and one Internal Medicine Hospital.

Let’s see, I have traveled all over my state in the USA. The money for fuel, hotels, dinner, co-pays, prescriptions, job loss and overall mental stress is not what I am upset about. That’s just collateral damage. One’s Health is priceless. So I pushed from one end to the other of specialists, general, and …

Well, you name it, I was there. Husband in hand. Mother as a barracuda. Even a very close friend from work -all to be my “Rock”. I am always thankful to them. ❤️

I’ve been through the cancer scares. I’ve been told that I was going to die sooner than later; and to get my accounts in order. I’ve been told that it’s all in my head, mind, hypochondria, a million things really.


My research is self-sustaining (when I don’t have brain fog, or a headache, or simply exhausted). It is also self-torture. I have gone through Social Media, Libraries and Journals.

I know a lot about Hypothyroidism. Throw some Auto Immune Disease in there too. Oops, don’t forget the Hashimoto’s Disease, Migraines, Hormonal Imbalances, Anxiety, Depression, Hopelessness, PTSD, Seizures, Food Intolerances, hair loss, Vertigo and Concussions due to falling.

I have had all of these symptoms/experiences in the past four years. This past year January 1, 2016 through today my “experiences” have become a million

times worse than when all of this started.

Kinda Cool Part

Today I learned that blood tests are not really necessary in my case, because they don’t test the cells which make up the body. The cells which make us human don’t get tested. Blood does. Thus getting a normal lab result is counter-intuitive to discovering the cause of my woes.


And by the way, I was declined by both attempts of becoming a patient of an Internal Medicine Hospital as well as the ENTIRE Health Park. Hmmmm. As Shakespeare would say, “Much Ado About Nothing”.

Now What

I saw a new campaign called “The Broken Brain” by Dr. Hyman. I watched the trailer, then I signed up for the free online Docu-series. There are eight episodes and over fifty doctors who attest to the information presented:

“With 1.1 BILLION lives compromised by brain issues EVERY day, I know this documentary series will provide vital new information, expert connections and most of all, hope.”


I called the wellness center in MA. They don’t accept insurance. They charge approximately $10,000.00 for their two days of service.

The similar wellness clinic in my state (as there are many centers across the country) also does not take insurance. I even have government insurance now. (My husband retired from the Armed Services after twenty years. Imagine that… he was offended But that’s for another post.)

Rock Robbins

According to an article I read this evening, those involved were exasperated and out of money. You should read it. They have hope!

I like how the author states “When one doctor or specialist had tried everything in his or her repertoire, we’d move on to someone else.

After enough traditional doctors couldn’t dial her health in, we eventually moved on to alternative doctors and treatments – chiropractic, acupuncture, herbal supplements, meditation, and on and on…”

That’s the reality for some women. With multiple issues and body systems affecting each other and playing off each other, it can be pretty challenging to get everything into balance.

We found that this condition involved so much more than just physiology. So many elements played into this diagnosis – it was about stress, food, lifestyle, belief systems, relationships and more. We have spent the last 20 years, and almost $300,000, diving deep into this dis-ease.

So here I am. Much Ado About Nothing. There is nothing I can do.

Flower Beds

I’ve always loved flowers.

As I have rolled myself into “adulthood”,  I have discovered that I prefer flowers in their semi-natural beds.  A lot of people, and I mean A LOT of people, in my town, are Master Gardeners. I figured that growing my own flowers would be a nice hobby.

Plus, I would have a reason to go outside and get my Vitamin D too. Win, win!

I decided to try gardening.  The key word here is try.

I now understand why gardeners threaten trespassers with their lives. The frustration and anger of one little, beautiful and helpless flower being stepped on is a legitimate defense – or at least it should be.

Dear Master Gardeners, I apologize for dancing on your Daffodils and ignoring the placement of your Irises.

Day One:  First we (me, husband, mother). had to weed and Roto-till the spaces for the separate areas for the different beds. Within ten minutes we voted and all chipped in to hire the neighbor kid to do it. He did. Whew!

Day Two:  Cover all exposed areas with black paper…. “hey neighbor!”

Day Three:  My mother came over to help me roll out pre-seeded lavender bed rolls ordered from Groupon. I supposedly had 50,000 seeds so at least one seedling had to work.

Create amazing decor for the flower beds: ummm… skip.

Maintenance: Keep checking on the Groupon guaranteed Rolls. Luckily I could look into my garden from the air conditioned living room to check on it daily.

Water: We still have our timer from Christmas lights, that will work. Or so I thought… Ok not really… my garden was flooded by; oh I’d say five days into this. We now had quicksand.

I could see the neighbor kids’ foot prints in the sand puddling with water. I simply needed to turn off the timer… Done.

It was supposed to be a very rainy week anyway.

Weeds: The weeds grew and grew. They were taller than me and had nothing to do with or about the water or lavender.

I have NOT seen even one plant of my Groupon 💯 guarantee. My neighbor kid is going to be so mad when he comes back from Boot Camp!

All involved read the directions from Groupon carefully…

My mother and I re-read the directions… no lavender.

  • <<<<<<<<<<
    hoped that there would be a “💥🌿🌱💜 Sea Of Lavender 💥 💜 🌿🌱💥 ” in my garden, and it was going to be beautiful. Alas no purple waves, no sea, no see.
      • I waited.
      • I watched.
      • I asked people who had lavender.
      • I traveled to the other side of the state, with my mother to go to a Certified Lavender Farm! http://www.lavenderhill.com.
      • I read books 📚.
      • I had it all planned!
      • Would you believe that there isn’t anything resembling lavender in their area???
      • There’s nothing!
      • What did I do wrong??

      Well… it wasn’t until I realized that I physically couldn’t do much more than trap my neighbor kid, tell him how sick I am, get him to do the hard stuff, and then flood everything while he was in boot camp; that maybe I was a bit overzealous about my new hobby.

      I couldn’t muster up the energy to be a gardener. I am just too sensitive to temperatures, brightness, bug bites, bending over and everything it takes to grow flowers purposefully.

      I had one job. One ☝️. Discover and create a beautiful garden. I failed. My husband knew how upsetting it was for me. He took me to the cute little store in Bay City and I found a bunch of fake flowers (lavender of course) to purchase and enjoy at home.

      Sometimes mental health is brushed aside when a physical task fails. I mean, who goes through the fuss and anticipation of a project wanting to be a failure? It’s a tough pill to swallow. His actions, my mom’s help and of course the neighbor kid were here working their butts off because my symptoms made me miserable while the heat only exasperated them. They did all of that in my best interest. So Thank You!

      I guess my body health (brain included) needs some more time to hopefully heal. When it will let me know; remains to be seen.

      2012 – today

      I have done so much research on all of this. It never leaves my mind. I even have nightmares about it. My diseases are invisible, just like the wind. I can’t see it but I can feel it.

      Order of events 2012-today

      • Doctors, doctors, doctors.  All over the state of Michigan.  
      • Lab work every six weeks.  
      • It all started on a summer day in 2012 when I asked my Family Physician about craving salt 24/7.  She ordered my first round of hypothyroid based lab work.

      Flu ➡️ lab work ➡️ hypothyroid ➡️ pills ➡️ diverticulitis ➡️ colonoscopy ➡️ pneumonia ➡️ thrombosising hemorhoid ➡️ pills ➡️ lump in right breast ➡️ mammogram ➡️ missed a step while shopping ➡️ fell on concrete ➡️ twisted ankle and concussion ➡️ crutches & Darth Vader boot ➡️ sinusitis ➡️ liquid meds (hurts too much to swallow) ➡️ lab work ➡️ hypothyroidism, Hashimoto’s & Autoimmune diseases ➡️ beyond depressed yet anxious at the same time ➡️ pills ➡️ high blood pressure ➡️ pills ➡️ referrals (Endocrinologist, OBGYN, Psych) ➡️ attempted suicide (I was so empty and tired of being stuck in a hamster wheel) ➡️ depression ➡️ seizures ➡️ migraines ➡️ managed to keep all of my doctor appointments ➡️ utter break down ➡️ seizures ➡️ psych appt. ➡️ off charts blood pressure and anxiety attack ➡️ ER ➡️ kept for 6 hours ➡️ transported to different hospital 2 am ➡️ lab work ➡️ changed meds ➡️ Home one week later ➡️ not allowed to return to school ➡️ fill out forms for student loan forgiveness, disability social security and non-duty disability retirement ➡️ ORS -MI approved ➡️Nov.1 ➡️ Retired ➡️ Christmas Eve denial letter for both loan forgiveness and ssa-d ➡️ get a lawyer ➡️ appeal decision to ssa-d ➡️ file for TPD with NelNet ➡️ need MD signature ➡️ diverticulitis again ➡️ colonoscopy ➡️ trip and fall hit back of my head on a large stone ➡️ concussion ➡️ Northridge ➡️ MRI / CAT scan ➡️ referral to Neurologist ➡️ appointment with neuro didn’t help my situation ➡️ still going to counseling twice per month since 2015.

      • No MD or DO onsite for Northridge Family Practice or List Psychological.
      • Endocrinologist: Jean Nelson -Grand Blanc, Jennifer Franzese – UofM
      • Family Physician: Lindsey Grace PA Hale
      • OBGYN: Stephanie Ash -Essexville 
      • Psych: Diane Hobson (Counselor) Bay City
      • Neurologist: Jorge Gonzales Alpena 
      • Prescriptions: Expresscripts Home Delivery Phoenix

      No new patients for Oscoda Health Park

      Insurance: TriCare 
      LTD: MESSA


      My cats are weird.  I used to think that cats were not too bright -hence the nine lives needed.  Here in the US we get our cats declawed and de-sexed to make them indoor worthy.  

      Cats have YouTube channels, calendars, costumes (of and for) them.  Folks laugh and carry on about the semi-scary, spinster who lives at the top (or bottom) of  a town’s hill who takes care of all the stray cats in the area.  You probably know her as “The Crazy Cat Lady”.  She is blamed for random disappearances and pointed at, whispered about and even ignored.  She is the leader of the cats and gives them whatever they want.  Slowly yet surely, cats are taking over the world.  At least hers…

      It won’t happen in our lifetime… it will probably be on the cats’ fifth life.  They aren’t privy to the discussing their plans or details. 🐱

      Anyway, before moving to Michigan, I owned a book called 101 Uses for a Dead Cat by Simon Bond.  I was told that I was allergic to cats so I decided to not care for them.

      Product description

      Contains “101 Uses of a Dead Cat”, “101 More Uses of a Dead Cat” and “Uses of a Dead Cat in History”. The book includes some wickedly ingenious and surrealist ideas for putting a dead cat to good use, whether decorative, functional or on the sports field.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ^••^

       I have three cats!  And guess what?  I love each one.  They each have their own personalities which crack me up 😂.


      Spike born 9-19-03. Male Tuxedo

      This cat of mine likes to pull his own fur out when he’s upset about something.  It ranges from having a house guest to the barometric pressure.  He can go from a nice furry back side to a half naked cat.  


      We refer to him as “Sensitive”.  When he’s not upset about something, he is like jello in your lap.  A few days / hairballs ago I decided to put an end to his bad mood and put him in the cone of shame.

      I think he wants to kill me…

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ^ •• ^


      Cat:  Boo  October 1, 2008  Female Tuxedo

      I swear, I have never seen Boo use a litter box, eat or drink.  I know she does because she’s alive, but she’s very private.

      When she was a kitten I taught her to fetch and return her sparkle toys with me.  She’s beautiful and sleek.  When ever we have guests she is hidden.  She hides really well too.  She stands on our chests and stares at us until we get her what she wants.

      She was a rescue from our local Humane Society.  She’s so sweet, when she’s out and about.

      She is a little weird about being pet.  Just when you think you are going to be snuggling, sets jumps down.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~ ^••^

      Cat:  Tiger Poe /Born Halloween 2012 /Male/ Orange and White Feral

      This one is smart.  He has figured out how to open any door or cabinet.  When he wants to be alone he goes into my bathroom, closes the door and curls up on the toilet seat top.  (I’ve walked in on him a few times).  He can jump to my height 5’2” easily.  He runs around the house like its NASCAR at about midnight each day.  

      He’s the cat who knocks things off of their shelf or table.  He likes people food and I am trying to teach him to not steal.  He’s quick…  he wants to be outside; yet always returns when called.  He even gets along with our chickens!  His fur is as soft a a bunny and is quick to snuggle with me.


      So I guess the moral of this post is that I actually own and love cats.  My AZ peeps would be shocked to hear it.  Each cat is totally different than the others.  Their personalities are unique and live with four dogs.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ^••^

      People like to belittle smaller animals simply because their brains are small.  Science shows that humans only use up to 25% of their brain capacity.  Cats use more than 25% of their brain .  So who is smarter?